Just Some Idea ... Right?

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the presence of Joy." - Ron Lewis

Joy is something that seems so distant to me. Now don't hear me incorrectly here I'm not saying that I don't have joy -- or that I don't have a good definition of joy. It's just that joy seems distant, it isn't something tangible; or at least not to me. This has been tough for me as of late because although I have found great comfort in my own ability to do things, that simply isn't joy to me.

Where is my joy?

A friend of mine who blogs often has a saying on their page that reads,

"Joy > Stuff." Now if that statement is true then joy really isn't tangible, but if that is the case than could joy simply be an idea? Can we find it? Does it even want to be found? Is it even real?

Similarly God is compared to joy, and is sometimes even called the source of all things joy. However just like the questions I asked myself earlier, God can fall into that category and seem just as distant, almost to the point of being non-existent.

For me this has been the hardest thing to grasp. God's presence. Apparently God is close, so there is joy to be had. Right?

Well I was treated to a great sermon about joy and courage today through the story of David and Goliath, and it ended referring to each and every one of us as "Jesus' Joy." 

Joy is relentless, joy is likened to the touch, joy seeks those who grow weary, joy is you and me.

I've never considered people as joy ... ever. Until now.

Maybe joy is closer to home than I thought after all. Joy came down and died for me so that the joy of Joy could live joyfully for all eternity.

As a gift I am able to live around the joy of Joy and experience reasons daily of why he died for us. My eyes were opened to my blatant selfishness and narcissistic mindset. Never again.

I could learn many things from Jesus, but this one took the pig.

To see joy, there must be less me. That is my challenge. Less me. More joy.

"Joy came down and rescued me, Joy came down and set me free. For I am yours, and I will be forever yours."

It's time for me to return.

Just Another Moment of Failure

I've had a rough two weeks. Everything has been completely self-imposed, and I am really struggling with the fact that I am imperfect. I have never handled letting others down well at all, and if I am honest, I probably never will. I feel like I owe something to those who have invested heavily in my life over the past 10 years, a life that has been full of stupid move, after stupid move, after stupid move.

Worse than that is in the middle of all my stupidity, God decided that it was a good idea to tell me, "Hey, you're going into ministry." 

Fan-freaking-tastic ...

I'm not cut out for this if I am honest, I never have been and I probably never will be. It seems that every "good thing" that I get I screw up. Every time. The past few weeks have been another chapter to file away into my book of stupid mistakes, I've been questioning my call to ministry more than ever, and to make matters worse, the people that have come around me, ya know the ones that I have disappointed? Have given me nothing but grace...

Yeah, that word. Grace.

It blows my mind that other people can look me in the eye, knowing that I've done something that could have ruined me, showed me incredible patience, and are now looking to move forward.

HOW?!?!?!?!?! 

Grace pisses me off sometimes. Not in a bad way, but in how it exposes your imperfection, places it in your face, and makes you befriend it. I. HATE. THAT.

I am thankful for it though, because grace lets me start new. Look folks, here's the deal:

I'm an African-American male in his early to mid-twenties, so statistically speaking, I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ALIVE! THAT OR AT LEAST IN JAIL. The fact that I am not either of those things is a blessing, and it proves to me that I matter to God. I grew up with others just like me who had the same opportunities I had, and some of them are in jail or dead, and my heart breaks for them. So I am darn thankful that God has put a hedge of protection around me, and is continuing to work through me even to today. Reality check for Bryant: You're not as good as you think you are, so continue to listen to God and lean on/into him.

So, I'm not cut out for ministry, and I probably never will be, but I'm going to do it anyway. Not because I'm stubborn, confused, or have no other alternative. But because more than likely the people who will be reading this believe that I can do it, and God knows that I can do it.

I'm sorry for leaving gaps, I'm sorry for being forgetful, I'm sorry for being late, I'm sorry for speaking out of turn, I'm sorry for lapses in judgement, I'm sorry for lack of patience, and I'm sorry for relapses of stupidity. But, just keep showing my grace.

Even if it gets on my nerves ...

Just Camp Reflections

I was given the amazing opportunity to go with our middle school camp for the second year in a row with my church, along with a fantastic group of leaders. Now that camp has been done for a week I can look back and share somethings I took away from it. 

1. It is just a ton of fun to give middle school kids tons of high-fives.

2. I absolutely LOVE playing bass on a worship team.

3. Seeing the lives of kids changed through baptism gives me much excitement for the next generation.

4. 12 baptisms ain't bad at all!

5. Having ability to care for others with the unique love of Christ is why I'm going to school for ministry, and why I do ministry. Period.

6. Every age group matters and the sooner you can steer people toward leaning into Christ, the better.

7. Christ determines your character, not your circumstance.

8. God is greater than. Point blank.

I just love people. I especially love middle and high school students. Camp was a ton of fun. Now CIY is next week. CIY changed my life and steered me toward ministry, and I am earnestly praying that God will unlock the hearts and desires of the students going next week.

Just Another Blog ...

Blogging is something that I have always admired, but it is not something that I have been able to keep up with ... This is yet another attempt. This is a blog from an average ordinary guy, living an average ordinary life, hoping that his life will ultimately please our very extraordinary God.  So I'm just going to be as simple as possible with this blog. I will write about random thoughts, moments. ya know, just stuff. I want to give others a peek into my mind. I desire to write about things that will be entertaining for others. So, enjoy the ride and happy reading.